just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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