My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
