seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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