Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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