I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
