I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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