We're like a lot better than the average bears
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
