Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
