just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
