But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
