I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
