Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
