even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
