Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
