Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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