i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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