we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
