You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
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why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize