I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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