Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
