Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
