Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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