Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
