Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
