i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
