Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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