I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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