The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
