either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
