Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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