Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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