She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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