you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
