so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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