I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
