if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
