don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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