It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
false alarm. still invincible.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
