I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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