Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
