i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
