Got a toothbrush?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
