He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
