you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
there is puke in my bra ... again
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