You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
