Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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