This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize