I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
