I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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