I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
