Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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