I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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