i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
