My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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