I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
