There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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