And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
