its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
