i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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