3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Houston, we have a squirter
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
BRING THE BAGELS
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
