one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
