community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
