i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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