3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
