At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
