I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
