She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
