okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
