exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
